Zen Sundays

I've given up my verbal filter for Lent. As of today.

Yes, I know that Easter is next weekend.

Some people may be surprised to find out that I actually have a filter at all. Sometimes I use it and sometimes I don't. Most of the time, in order to preserve relationships, I won't be quite as direct as I would like to be. Because I see the hurt/anger/betrayal in your eyes when I criticize things that A) you hold as fundamental truths that shape who you are and B) we're never going to agree on. So, I let it go, even if I compromise on what I'd like to say in response.

Fair warning: I might not do this over the next two weeks.

My "nice" is the only thing keeping me from crying all over the place all the time over S-Baby being returned to his bios during what is probably the most stressful two weeks of my academic career so far, from screaming in frustration about how I read the genre of dissertations in my field versus how my committee does, from wanting to pull my hair out about the uncertainty of this summer's financials, and from jumping in the car to join my family in Arkansas while my grandfather gets a pace-maker to try to keep his heart, well, going.

So, my "nice" is busy.

I'm going to hold it together for the next 18 days. Pure steel at the core, baby.

But... holy crap...